


the noise inside my head

by nowordsneeded



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, too kindhearted!jihoon, when seungcheol lost himself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-13 21:51:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7987480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nowordsneeded/pseuds/nowordsneeded
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing sucks more than meeting your ex from high school. It sucks even more when you're the bad guy, the one who dumped the other for the sake of 'dating the popular dudes'. He was an asshole back then. A total heartless, stupid moron.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the noise inside my head

Nothing sucks more than meeting your ex from high school. It sucks even more when you're the bad guy, the one who dumped the other for the sake of 'dating the popular dudes'. He was an asshole back then. A total heartless, stupid moron.

 

Seungcheol fell in love with this genius introverted boy named Lee Jihoon. He didn't know how he fell. He just did. It happened some time during their group project for English 7. He just remembered how breathtakingly beautiful Jihoon was when he's laughing at some lameass jokes he said. _Oh_ , he remembered nearly having a heart attack when Jihoon uncharacteristically patted his head while jokingly saying _"Good boy, Cheollie. Now go solve the math problem on page 51_ _._ _"_. He said it oh-so-sweetly that the math problem somehow didn't even feel like a problem anymore.

 

They started dating after Seungcheol asked him for a movie date. The night filled with the talk about the movie's bad ending, another round of Seungcheol's punny jokes, staring into each other's eyes, smiling faces, even more staring, and a kiss, Jihoon's first kiss.

 

They were happy and have been dating for almost a year already when things went downhill once Seungcheol was chosen as the school's soccer team's newest captain. He got even more popular and had less time for the both of them. Less study dates, less texts, and zero phone calls. He didn't even go home with Jihoon anymore ’cause he always had somewhere to go after school with his new friends who were just as popular as him. At least Jihoon still had Wonwoo, his bestfriend and neighbor who would accompany him anytime. Wonwoo understood and he never asked, much to Jihoon's pleasure. The tall skinny boy often invited him to play DOTA for the sake of distraction.

 

Seungcheol fucked up big time.

 

When a long-haired boy named Yoon Jeonghan asked him for a date, _who's he to say no_? It's Yoon Jeonghan. The school's beauty. The school's super popular baseball pitcher. _Who the hell is Choi Seungcheol to say no?_ Even if he already had a boyfriend who he never called in forever. Yoon Jeonghan didn't even care if he's already seeing someone or not.

 

Jihoon found out and with a knowing smile and an indescribable expression on his face, he looked at him in the eyes, and said:

 

"I'm done with you."

 

Seungcheol didn't stop him when he started to walk away. Seungcheol didn't stop himself when he started crying, alone in the middle of the soccer field. Seungcheol didn't move an inch when the rain started pouring over him, like a scene from an old cliche romance movie.

 

Jihoon moved away from home once they graduated. Seungcheol didn't even try to ask Wonwoo where Jihoon was studying, which university did the boy get into. But Wonwoo might drop him a hint or two when they passed by each other in the school's administration room.

 

"He went to pursue music,"

 

Seungcheol nodded and muttered a thanks. Kinda surprised that Wonwoo still had a little faith left for him. And maybe, just maybe, he still had the chance he thought he didn't deserve.

 

At least he wanted to apologize. So he went to Wonwoo's house and gave the boy a thick envelope, addressed for Jihoon. It's a letter, a video letter and a handwritten one. It's nothing much, but it's sincere.

 

Now that he saw the boy again, after a long two years, he wondered if it's the opportunity he has been waiting for. But he just stood there, looking at his past lover laughing with a group of people at some cafe near his hangout place. His friend, Jisoo, elbowed him in the ribs, asking what got him nailed like that. Jisoo followed his gaze.

 

"Who are they?"

 

"Who?"

 

"Oh, come on. I'm not stupid,"

 

"Can we go back to the dorm now? You already bought your chips, right? I'm not feeling well,"

 

"Okay, then. Let's go,"

 

Jisoo didn't miss the way Seungcheol glanced back to the cafe's direction with a dejected look on his face.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

It seemed like Jihoon made a lot of friends now. Back then, it was just him and Jihoon, or Jihoon and Wonwoo, and sometimes they hang out together as three. He was glad. Jihoon was doing really well. He looked happy. And that's all that matters. Or so he thought.

 

The memories of Jihoon's laughter lingered on his mind. His smile when he played his guitar, his smile when he patted Seungcheol's head when he succeeded solving the math problems, his smile when Seungcheol grabbed his hand on the way home back from school, his smile when Seungcheol kissed his forehead after their dates, his smile when he said he was done with him. The last thought sent a pang across his heart _. Fuck, that hurts_.

 

"Where are you going?" Jisoo looked up from his laptop on the bed. Seungcheol wore his hoodie and put on his cap, he pointed at the door.

 

"Outside,"

 

 _No shit_. Jisoo internally sighed. Seungcheol has been so out of himself lately ever since that night. He asked him once, but Seungcheol only said _'later'_.

 

"Curfew in 2 hours, Seungcheol. Remember that,"

 

"Of course,"

 

He decided to ride his bike around the university complex with music in his ears. He started to paddle slowly after a certain music played. It's his song, no, _their song_. It's called 'You Look Good' and, _fuck_ , the irony.

 

They used to sing this back in high school. Accompanied by Jihoon’s guitar. Young boys just like to sing heartbreak songs, so typical.

 

He stopped in his track, listening to the song until it ended. He ruffled his hair in frustration. Ever since he saw Jihoon in that cafe suddenly a wave of memories came flooding back. So he was wrong when he thought he's already over him. _Well, Jihoon, who are you to suddenly showed up in front of me like that_ _?_

 

Glancing at his watch, he still had another hour before curfew. He scanned the area he was in and noticed an unfamiliar building. He's never been in this area before; the Music Department. Why would he, it was in the southern part and his department was on the total opposite.

 

Then he remembered what Wonwoo told him years ago.

_"He went to pursue music,"_

 

He bit his lip and took another glance at the tall building. There were still a lot of students wandering around, carrying music equipments and thick books, looking just like any other students in this uni. Pale face, dark circles underneath their eyes, stress evident in their faces. For a moment he forgot about Jihoon and remembered his own Cost Accounting homework.

 

But who was he kidding?

 

Does Jihoon go to this university, though? But he saw him in this city two days ago, he must be studying somewhere near this place, right?

 

It's as if the universe heard him when suddenly he noticed a small brunette, with a guitar on his back, walking toward his direction. That sight of Jihoon got him panicked. No. Jihoon couldn't see him. Not like this.

 

He quickly turned around so Jihoon wouldn't see his face and waited until he walked past him. His heart pounded against his chest as if it were hammering its way out. This would be the closest he's ever been to Jihoon after their breakup. And Seungcheol wasn't ready to face him yet.

 

"Seungcheol?"

 

His grip on the handlebars tightened almost immediately. His posture was weirdly straight and stiff people might mistake him for a statue. What was that? Was it the sound from the back of his mind? Did he start hallucinating? But what took Jihoon so long to walk? He was like ten meters away!

 

"Choi Seungcheol?"

 

Oh my God. How could he sound so real to his ears? What's the universe trying to do with him right now? Man, has he gone crazy?

 

Then he saw him. He saw Jihoon standing in front of him, looking as adorable as ever. His wide beautiful eyes were staring at him. Seungcheol suddenly forgot how to breathe.

 

"Hey, it's really you!"

 

That was when realization hit him right in the face. And another punch in the ribs. _Fuck that hurts._

 

Look at that face. Jihoon looked so beautiful and mesmerizing under the dim street light. How he missed holding his face, how he missed planting a kiss on his pink lips, how he missed wrapping his arms around his petite body, how he missed the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed at his jokes, and, wow, wasn't he a total asshole. For breaking his heart and betraying his feelings.

 

Jihoon should've been mad at him. He should scream at his face and punch him in the gut and all. But Jihoon didn't do anything like that.

 

"Hey, you okay? You look sick,"

 

Why was he being nice to him? God, he felt really awful. He really didn't deserve him, did he? He really didn’t deserve his kindness. He's a bad person.

 

"I'm sorry,"

 

Without looking at Jihoon's face, he dashed quickly, madly paddling his bike like he was trying to run away from something.

 

 _He was_.

 

He wondered if he could get any stupider than this.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

Wonwoo called him for the first time in 2 years.

 

"Let's meet up,"

 

Seungcheol should've seen it coming.

 

"Okay."

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

"Are you in Literature?"

 

"Yeah. How about you?"

 

"Business Management,"

 

"Typical,"

 

Seungcheol stirred his drink nervously. He felt Wonwoo's eyes on him and that made him felt even more sick in the stomach.

 

"How are you, Seungcheol?"

 

"Not feeling good lately,"

 

"Are you happy?"

 

"Nope. Not particularly,"

 

"You met Jihoon, didn't you?"

 

Of course this is the reason why Wonwoo suddenly wanted to see him. He kinda expected him to tell him to stay away from Jihoon forever, to never show his face in front of him ever again in this lifetime or maybe another one after this. If you saw Jihoon walking your way, turn around and take another route. If you saw Jihoon gets on the bus you're in, you should get off of it and take another one. If you saw Jihoon-

 

"Seungcheol?"

 

"Oh, yes," Seungcheol gulped, "Yes I met him,"

 

"And you ran away from him?"

 

"Wonwoo-"

 

"Are you fucking insane?"

 

"What?"

 

Seungcheol wondered what more should he do other than running away? Should he get on his knees and beg for forgiveness then just disappear from his life? Yeah! Maybe he should do that instead.

 

"Why did you do that?"

 

"I can't-" He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "I think that's the best for us. I hurt him, Wonwoo. I fucking break his heart because of my stupidity! Because I'm a fucking moron who chose a vague popularity that is not even worth a dirt on my shoe over the guy I love! Can you believe that?"

 

"Seungcheol-"

 

"No! Shut up and listen to me!" Seungcheol was triggered enough for this, "But, what, Jihoon, that kindhearted boy, you know what he did and what he said on the day we broke up? He looked at me in the eye, with a fucking smile on his pretty face, and said that he was done with me! When I knew that at least I deserve a punch on the face. But no, Jihoon was too hurt, too kind, and too mature for that!"

 

Wonwoo looked at him with an indescribable expression on his face. Seungcheol continued.

 

"Then after two years, when I thought I was over him already, I saw him in a cafe in this area, hanging out with his friends. He looked good, he looked happy, and I'm glad. But at the same time it's frustrating because I discovered that I still love him."

 

Wonwoo opened his mouth but Seungcheol stopped him. He hasn't done yet.

 

"That night, I met him by incident. Really, I don't even know he goes there. I was pretending like I didn't see him but somehow, he recognized me and called my name. I didn’t respond because I thought I was hallucinating but guess what, he decided to stand in front of me and I didn't know what to do. He even asked if I was okay because I looked sick. You get my point? Lee Jihoon, he-" Seungcheol rubbed his face in frustration, "Fuck, why is he so nice to me, Wonwoo? I don't understand! I hurt him!"

 

"You said that over a hundred times already, Seungcheol. I get your point. Now shut the fuck up!"

 

Seungcheol went mute after that.

 

"Seungcheol, listen to me. He already forgave you. Your letter? He still has it with him. He brings it with him all the way here!"

 

"No wa-"

 

"Stop denying shit! I'm telling you the truth, right now. God, Seungcheol, you really need to see a doctor, no offense."

 

"I don't need to see a doctor!"

 

"You need to see Jihoon. I'm not even kidding, Seungcheol. Go talk to him!"

 

"I don't think I deserve his for-"

 

"For fuck's sake, Seungcheol! Should I make it clear for you? You deserve it! You deserve his forgiveness! You are just overthinking. The world is not going to stop rotating if you start seeing him again!"

 

Wonwoo slammed a paper on the table and got up from his seat. He sighed and composed himself before muttering a _"I'll see you later"_. Then he just disappeared.

 

He stared at the piece of paper. It was Jihoon's phone number.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

It took Seungcheol a whole month before he was brave enough to contact Jihoon.

 

_'Hi, it's Seungcheol'_

 

That was the text he sent him.

 

The noise inside his head was much quieter now compared to how it was a month ago. It's just when he thought he started going crazy. Whenever he felt insecure, he chanted ' _Jihoon already forgave me'_ hundred times until the noise died down.

 

His phone vibrated five minutes later. He thought that was too fast.

 

With a pounding heart, he opened the message.

 

_'Hey, Seungcheol, let's meet up'_

 

Fuck, he didn’t expect that.

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

Seungcheol sat on one of the benches in the city park, the one under the big oak tree. He kept biting his lips, his legs couldn't stop shaking, his hands were clammy, and his heart felt like it was about to jump off his ribcage. He might get anxiety attack at this point.

 

Then he heard a footsteps and it's weird how he already knew whose it was by heart.

 

"Seungcheol,"

 

 _God_ , his voice. Jihoon's voice.

 

"H-hey," he stuttered, head still looking down. Jihoon took a seat beside him and he stiffened.

 

"Seungcheol," he called him once again. "Hey, Seungcheol, look at me,"

 

He couldn't.

 

"Please?"

 

He slowly turned to face him. His gaze was fixated on Jihoon's clothes instead, too chicken to met his eyes. Jihoon gently cupped his face with his own small and slender hands and forced him to look at him in the eye.

 

"Seungcheol,"

 

Seungcheol gulped, fascinated at how wide Jihoon's eyes were, how they were still the most beautiful pair of eyes he ever stared into.

 

"Yes?"

 

"I'm still not done with you yet,"

 

Seungcheol felt a single tear slid down from his warm, glassy eyes.

 

 _This is it_ _._

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

It's funny. How the noise inside his head suddenly went ' _poof_ ' and disappeared into nothingness, simply because of what Jihoon said.

 

It's funny. How natural and how everything felt right, when Jihoon opened his arms and letting him pulled into his embrace. Like a puzzle pieces, they fit perfectly.

 

It's funny how Jihoon gave him another chance he didn't know he deserves.

 

 

"Let's start all over again,"

 

 

Instead of 'Okay', Seungcheol wrapped his arms around Jihoon once again.

 

 

"Thank you, Jihoon. Thank you,"

 

 

And the smaller boy smiled while his hand gently caressing his soft black hair.

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

("How did you know it was me that night in front of your building?"

 

"You are so stupid sometimes. You wore your 'S.COUPS' cap backwards, Seungcheol. Who else in this world has that ridiculous swaggity swag snapback?"

 

"S.COUPS is a cool name!"

 

"Not in this lifetime,")

 

 


End file.
